Hi all, welcome to 2021.
I was hoping (foolishly, I see it now) that there wouldn’t be much to distract us from getting shit done in this new year. But the cosmos has managed cram a lot of events into a very small space, kind of like when the dentist wants an x-ray and you have a small mouth so they just like shove that probe in there and you just have to keep breathing as the seconds pass at a snail’s pace and hope that the hygienist doesn’t have to take another. This comparison is fresh in my mind. I hate the dentist, and really, I don’t much like the government. I can’t do much about needing either. The only difference is that I have much more faith in my dentist’s and hygienist’s abilities to do their jobs. I haven’t had faith in the government’s ability to do good for upwards of five years now.
I don’t say this to flex. I too watched in shock and awe and horror as an angry mob, put to the task by our cheeto-in-chief, stormed the Capitol building. While I had my eyes glued to the New York Times and my social media feed, I thought of the episode in Mad Men wherein JFK is killed. “Are we under attack?” Like, these people wanted to straight up crazy murder elected officials. I just … what the hell do you do with that? The twitter screen-caps came soon. “Are we supposed to keep working during an attempted coup?”
Now I can’t help but laugh darkly: If only these assholes had put this much energy into storming Area 51. The meme lords were right, they can’t stop all of them.
The chaotic meme brain will probably always follow us younger millennials around. The joke helped Austin and I sigh and relax a little as we talked about what had happened. I think we both hated how shocked we felt, considering this is the sort of the thing that covert (or not so covert) US operatives have orchestrated all over the world. Why should we, in our privilege as white Americans, feel so shocked and nonplused about a coup attempt such as this? And then part of me thinks I’m thinking too hard about this. There’s not much to think about at this point. I don’t know about anyone else but I’m anxiously watching the days pass, wondering if more insurrections will happen, and what they’ll look like. I’m at a loss for words. These people want to start a fucking civil war. We’ve already got the pandemic (currently approaching new heights), and now we have a bunch of assholes trying to start the boogaloo. How are any of us supposed to focus right now? Let the chaotic memes flow. It’s all we’ve got at this point.
In all seriousness, I have slid back into some old habits because of the stress induced from watching this all happen from far away. I’ve had to back off the caffeine, because more than one cup will have me vibrating through walls. Feeling like cooking is basically impossible; if I could subsist only off of rice mixed with butter and nutritional yeast, I would. Bless Austin’s heart, he’s been super patient and supportive and calls me his favorite stress nug on a daily basis. Luckily, he is more than happy to live off eggs and toast and kimchi grilled cheeses. If I end up having an existential crisis and laying on the couch, watching a couple hours of dumb BTS videos, he just makes himself something, and then raves about nailing the doneness of his eggs or his grilled cheese. Small victories.
You know, I make the stress sound funny and self deprecating. It bears mentioning that my sleep schedule is about as fucked up as my sense of humor at this point, I’m having unexplained phantom dental pain, and I feel like my hair is mysteriously thinning, which is just as distressing as it sounds. Is it the stress? Is it the seasons? Is it the PCOS? Is it all in my head? Who knows??? I sure don’t!!! Look, I don’t like pretending I’m okay. Some days are better than others, and that’s fine. Today I’m having a good day, for example, but yesterday was full of brain fog and anxiety. I’m taking some steps to take care of myself, I promise. Forcing myself to have small and brief social interactions, making plans for the year (as much as one can, in this economy and political environment), making myself write even when I hate what I’m writing (@ this specific essay) … All of these are small things that I’m making myself do. Even when I hate it, it helps. It doesn’t distract completely from matters at hand (ahem, the ongoing attempt at a coup, or, idk, global warming or the pandemic), but it keeps such events from having an outsized presence in my mind.
It would be dangerous to ask ourselves to forget wave-making events, or move past them. We do, however, need to care for ourselves and for each other. We’ve got to facilitate space to confront these things. Sometimes that means allowing yourself to have a small five minute distraction. Take a break to keep yourself sharp. You can’t be ON all the time. Productivity™️ is a concept largely fed to us by capitalism and minimalist tech bros that want to sell books. It’s okay to take time for yourself, rather than staring into the abyss.
So, with that in mind, here are a few things that really steeped my tea over the past few weeks. I’m only kind of sorry that this is what this half-essay turned into, and I thank you for your patience. I’m still trying to figure out my voice, and what I want the scope of my writing to be. Writing and sending out this email is a part of that process at this point. But, I also like dumping a bunch of fun things on people in the hopes that they’ll enjoy it. The internet is a great place to share and bond. Let me know if you especially liked something; I’d love to hear from you.
Somehow, this song ended up in my top five for 2019, all those years ago in the before time. The song, while a banger, isn’t the real star though. It’s the animated music video that they released for it. And wow. WOW. What a stunning piece of work. If you like animation, this is a must watch.
This article was a ride. Having gone to college with many women who were anxiously waiting to become like these mommies (albeit less Mormon), this hit weirdly close to home. It also depicts a strange side-effect to the rise of religious Christian fundamentalism. I watched this happen on Facebook, I’ve listened to friends and colleagues grapple with the ramifications of this phenomenon, and now it’s finally beginning to get mainstream attention. Full disclosure for new folks: I’m an Eastern Orthodox Christian. It’s a long story that I’m absolutely willing to talk about privately with curious people who have questions. I’ll end with this: This shit fucking terrifies me, but like the article’s author, I can’t look away. Somehow I derive some level of entertainment (superiority?) from this.
This piece has been making the rounds on food insta. It’s a harebrained look into the dynamics surrounding a weird pasta shortage and you know what? Yeah, I haven’t seen bucatini on store shelves in a sec. I just chalked it up to the pandemic and the mad grab for shelf stable carbs. But I guess it was more complicated than that!
The black cocoa powder I ordered for this recipe just arrived in the mail. I’m not saying I trust Sohla with my life, but wow, I definitely trust her as a source for shit to cook. brb I’m about to will myself into a stress baking spree.
Lastly, as a recovering iced coffee addict, this article made me feel seen.
Oh, and Bridgerton on Netflix. I’m a sucker for period dramas and it might actually be the best one I’ve ever seen? We love a Regency Era romance. That said, if I see one more person call it a Victorian Drama thought I will actually loose all of my marbles.
Thanks for being here! I appreciate your support. If you have any questions, comments, or screams of pain into the void, feel free to leave a comment, reply to this email, or reach out to me on instagram (@m.overvoltage). If you like what you’ve read, consider sharing it with a friend. Thank you so much, stay safe <3