things i bought for myself this year
I don’t want a lot for Christmas, there’s just one thing I need: self-validation.
Hello and welcome to one of my more strange mental health weeks during the pandemic so far. It’s been a wild one, kids. Writing an essay this week wasn’t going to happen, even if I wanted it to. I spent an hour crying while looking at AP’s photojournalism retrospective for the year, and that’s not the first instance of spontaneous tears I’ve experienced this week, and it’s certainly not the last. I’m not even sad, if I’m being honest, just really really angry. We all know this has been the weirdest, roughest year for a lot of us. I wish I didn’t feel the need to keep iterating on this. It’s hard to move past something that has been all consuming; most everyone on the planet has been affected in some way or another by this pandemic. It’s a new normal, whether we like it or not.
This is all to say that I was not in an emotional space to write something particularly coherent without sounding like an absolute doomist. I have some personal essays I’d like to write at some point, and I will. Confronting past traumas, however far gone the events are, felt futile at best this week. SO. This week y’all get a list I’d already started working on anyway!
I love lists of people’s stuff. I love hearing about the things they like to use or the things that bring them joy. I can’t tell you how thrilled I was to find out that places like Into the Gloss and Celebrity Shopping exist. I love lists of what people keep in their bags, the lists of books they loved or hated, their favorite items to bring while traveling, all of it. I love lists of favorite things. I love learning what people love, and how they do what they love.
So, naturally, I spend my time thinking about what I’d tell people if they asked me what I like in my life, the stuff that helps me get through my day, my preferred lip balm, etc. Part of the joy of sharing these things is that maybe someone will also enjoy the thing you love. It helps you relate to people, it can be a conversation starter, or it can connect you with a complete stranger. It ultimately makes us feel less alone.
That said, it feels weird to put a list out there when literally everyone and their cat is putting out a gift guide right now. This isn’t a gift guide. I like a good gift guide as much as the next person, but I’ve been reflecting a lot on the year, and that’s made me think about what I spent money on this year. Honestly, I’ve gotten myself some good shit. I hope this list makes you stop and think about what you bought yourself this year. Maybe you’ll realize that you don’t really need a ton of stuff for the upcoming holidays.
I now present to you a list of stuff I bought myself this year and got a ton of value from:
When the coffee shop I was working at closed in April, I realized I was going to be totally fucked if I didn’t have a way to make good coffee at home. I looked at my shitty old grinder. It was some old Secura that really only had one setting because it was so terrible (Pro-tip: if and when you get married, just put the good shit on your registry, don’t settle for something you know you’ll hate because there’s always someone who’ll go for the big thing). That’s when I decided to fork up some cash for a Baratza Encore. Honestly, top purchase of the year. I love this thing. It has plowed my fields and buttered my biscuits, and the best thing is that it grinds coffee well for at-home use. While I love an insane espresso shot pulled off a three thousand dollar grinder, for my daily use, this little guy does the job just fine. I have the white one because it had just come out and I was feeling spicy. The best part is that they’re very serviceable and I can replace parts when they wear out! This particular grinder has a great reputation for its price and holy shit, being able to make a cup of coffee at home and make it a ritual has been key to my daily self care. Does everyone need a grinder? No. But I did, and it’s been earning its keep just fine.
When the CDC published new guidelines in early April recommending masks I was on it. But like most panic purchases, they didn’t really pan out. The first cloth masks I bought were strictly okay, but they fit better than a lot of others so I toughed it out even though they irritated the living shit out of the back of my ears. Turns out I was in the beginning stages of a psoriasis flare up and my scalp and ears were beginning to get irritated regardless of mask use or not (talk to me about how my health has been a never ending crucible from which I can’t seem to fucking escape this year). As masks became more and more ubiquitous, I realized that Austin and I would need better options. Tom Bihn is the way to go. They have a variety of fabrics and cuts, they’re made in Seattle by a company that has been operating transparently since before it was A Thing, and they’re as comfortable as you could ever ask for. And they’re very reasonably priced! They’re fully machine washable and you can put them in the dryer, they have nose pieces that can be replaced, really soft ear loopies, and most of them have a little lanyard now. I like the cotton poly ones (V1) for outdoor activities because they breath well when I get hot, but the cotton flannel (V2) ones are really nice for being out and about while it’s cold. Austin favors the cotton twill (V2) for when he’s in his office. The lanyard means he can have it off his face when no one’s in his office, but if a partner stops by he can very easily get it on his head without touching the actual mask part. He uses a paperclip as a nosepiece instead of the little metal guy included with it because pretty much every mask makes his glasses fog up, but the cool thing is that you can do that with these. Have I mentioned the soft ear loopies???
While I definitely bought my current planner last December, I used it all year, so I think of it as a sort of pay it forward situation. Considering I bought the same thing for next year, I think it counts. I used to be on the bullet journal train, and I was on it so hard, in that I liked that I wasn’t constrained to what planner designers thought I needed in a personal notebook. But after a journaling instagrammer posted a picture of the Midori Diary, I had to investigate further. It had a monthly layout and a weekly layout with an extra space for weekly notes that I craved. It had all the order I wanted while having an abundance of space for spare notes and lists and bits of info. I would be able to handwrite the page numbers and dates, but still have each day get a space. It was something I missed from the days of free college planners, and I was more than happy to have that back. I like having my week laid out before me on paper, and not a screen; it makes it seem less permanent. I still use bullet journal notation, but on my own terms. No fancy color coding, no perfect handwriting, just my shit all in one place where I need it. Never underestimate the power that crossing a thing off on a list can have.
Alright, if I recall, this next item was actually a stress buy. But what a stress buy it was, my friends. I am a freak for serving vessels, so when I saw these teeny tea cups from Song Tea, I screamed. Something about small and beautiful items that are intended for regular use just gets me going (I am absolutely a Taurus, thanks for noticing), so I splurged and got them when our stimulus money came in. It’s hard to describe how perfectly these fit into one’s hand, how astonishing it is to have a vessel that perfectly suits whatever you’re drinking. I don’t like having a million different drinking vessels for a million different things, but having something nice can really elevate the consumption of liquid to self care. Do I have too much drinkware? Not yet! I like things that have a purpose and serve that purpose perfectly. It’s the deepest form of hedonistic pleasure for me, and because of that, I try to be scrupulous with the items I keep around.
I try to be the same way with clothing purchases, though with mixed success. Now that I’m not working in the service industry, I’m not wearing though jeans and such as fast. I get to wear my nice stuff without worrying that I’m going to get syrup or hot liquids of various sorts on it. I think I buy way too much clothing, though honestly I probably don’t compared to a lot of people. I’ll be real, Universal Standard has been in my pockets since they first opened. I’m a dummy thicc bitch who wears nothing but black! I like nice things! Like this cardigan that I have in two colors and reach for all the time now that it’s cold. I got the gray one last year, and the black one during one of their periodic sample sales. I get it a size bigger than I need so that it’s nice and lounge-y, but it’s still light enough to fit under coats for winter layering. The collar keeps my neck warm and the sleeves are probably too long which means they’re perfect. Being able to put on a sweater instead of a hoodie (the same hoodie I’ve been wearing for a week probably) makes me feel like a person. It also buttons nicely but I really just like it over a tunic tank with leggings. I mean, shit, that’s what I’m wearing right now. It’s comfy but looks nice and wears well over time and really, that’s all I want out of my clothing.
I would be remiss if I didn’t mention some of the video games I’ve spent both time and money on this year. Animal Crossing has loomed large in the pandemic sphere, causing a shortage of Switches pretty much everywhere. Looks like I’ve put over 220 hours into the game. It’s been a fixture of most of my days. I take a slow burn approach, like 30 minutes a day most days, more if there’s something specific I want to accomplish. Sure, I don’t have an instagrammable island, but that’s not what the game is about for me! It’s about little interactions with digital characters, taking in the seasonal changes, or collecting things. Catch me obsessing over flower hybrids while all my villagers live on happily without front yards. Some times it’s just a matter of needing to feel cute because the real me isn’t feeling cute enough to satisfy. Some days are like that! It happens! Honorable mentions go to Pokemon Shield, Tetris 99, Stardew Valley, and the Link’s Awakening Remake. Honestly, Stardew Valley was one of the first games I got on the Switch and I’ve just dumped time into it. I also have it on my iPad?? I’m still low-key obsessed, it’s fine. I didn’t buy it this year but that game is forever.
One of the more expensive and personal things I spent money on this year was actually a modification on something I already had. I got my wedding rings resized. Look, we know I’ve got some health stuff. I mention it off-hand all the time. The thing about Poly-Cystic Ovary Syndrome is that it’s really more complex than a lot of people want to realize. It’s not something you can fix overnight, and it has myriad possible causes. My weight fluctuates a lot, but some things remain constant, like the very slow but steady weight gain that I’ve always lived with but only just now started to curb. I’m on some medications and I’m trying to use my newfound free time to take care of myself. 2020 has been a very long lesson (not yet finished) in learning how to love myself and my body for what it is, and that both myself and my body are worth loving no matter the size or conditions it has. Even with this in mind, the anxiety that follows me everywhere with my body and health is excruciating. I know I’m not the only one who feels like this. I love you and I see you, friends. To help curb my anxiety, I got my rings resized so I could wear both of them again without feeling like my ring fingie was super fat and unsightly. Wearing jewelry that fits is like wearing a pair of jeans that fits; It looks better even if it means you’re wearing a bigger or smaller size than before. Sometimes you need a little confidence boost, and it turns out that this was the confidence boost I needed.
Also filed under useful but beautiful things, I really love the phone case I got when I got a new phone! The cracked screen and two hour battery of doom is gone and now I can roam freely again. I’ve got the walnut one, and if the reviews are to be believed, this is basically the protection of an Otterbox but with a much more streamlined aesthetic. That’s great because I won’t get a new phone until this one kicks it, whenever that may be. I’ve never been the New Tech person; this was the happy perk of switching over to Austin’s work phone plan.
I’ve already talked a little about how I love Bear for writing. Note taking software is very personal. Not every app works for everyone, which is why I’m glad I just forked over the teeny amount of money it costs to have Bear on all of my devices. It’s not collaborative like Evernote, and it’s a little more complex than Google Keep, but it beats typing up word documents or google docs every time I want to write something longer than a hundred words. I really like it, it’s brought me a lot of value this year. It works well with how my brain works. If some big organizing method or app isn’t working for you, make a switch for a bit. See if something else works. Life’s too short to hang on to shit that’s not working for you.
Thanks for making it this far down. I really appreciate y’all taking the time to read this. Y’all are my number ten, because I’ve spent a fair amount of time bringing this newsletter to your inboxes this year. And I’ve had an awesome time doing it. Time is more valuable than money. I’m glad and thankful that y’all have allowed me some of yours. I really appreciate your support, and I hope that you’ve gotten some little bit of value or amusement out of my writing. Thank you for being here.
Two weeks from today I’ll be back with a list of the best things I read all year. There’ll be books and articles, maybe even some blog posts or something. I’ve read a lot of stuff this year, so I’m looking forward to taking some time to reflect on it all over the next few weeks. See you soon!
Questions, comments, cries of pain? Did you have something that you bought this year that just completely blew your mind? Please tell me about it! I’d love to hear from you, just reply to this email or leave comment below to talk to me about whatever! Stay safe <3